My motto is to have an abundance of transparency & through that, vulnerability will give me strength. Easier said than done, yes. But I adapted this motto as I began my journey through the depths of depression & anxiety. It has taken me a while to fully adopt this ideal, but I am beginning to get there. Before I get ahead of myself (because I get so excited to be able to share my story with people and this business), let me go back a couple steps & walk you through this because I want you to know my story and why this brand is held so close to my heart.
Early in 2020, during the pandemic, I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety. Although I had been struggling for quite a few years, I did not understand what was wrong with me. I felt like a burden to everyone & everything I came in contact with, like a disease. Many sleepless nights with tears & physical/mental pain was becoming exhausting. I lost the will to live. I was simply existing in this world. I felt as though I had to hold this pain in because no one would understand, no one would want to hear about my pain, & it was quite embarrassing to me. The darkness in my brain stood in the way of me being able to say anything. I would try to say “help me", but nothing would come out when I tried to speak.
I thought being diagnosed with depression and anxiety was the cure. Little did I know, the road ahead would be a long journey to figuring out my way through life. I fought for two years, constantly struggling, beating myself up, and pushing myself down. It was one step forward, two steps back. But after years of work and trials, I found the light at the end of the tunnel. In March 2021, I was woken up by the toll my diagnosis had taken on my mind, body, & soul. I designed this tattoo with a close friend and got it done soon after. This tattoo was my first, & is a lot of the reason I still live. She is on my arm growing upward to show just how growth works. I look at her every day, reminding myself of why I choose to stay alive. By early 2022, I had passed the one year mark of not attempting to commit suicide, and by mid 2022, I learned to surround myself with the people who had genuine care for my life & valued seeing beauty even in the trenches. I began the real journey of learning how to live with depression & anxiety & be in control of it, not letting it dictate how I emote and feel things.
Don’t get me wrong, I still fall back, but the difference is that I learned to see there is beauty even through the storms. I grew to understand that there was no true cure for my depression, but that if I learned how to live my life with it, I had the strength to control it daily. I graduated from UNC-Chapel Hill in May 2023 & never thought I would live to see the day I would walk across that stage in cap and gown. I am the happiest & healthiest I have ever been & I have so many people to thank for that. I have more growth to go through, but I know this is only the beginning. I now have the ability to share this beautiful creation with the world. Jump ahead to now, Winter 2024 - I have learned how to cope with the disease. Though I fail sometimes, I have learned that depression & anxiety do not have the power to run or ruin my life, but that I have the power to make my life shine.
I am so blessed to be able to share this journey with you all & hope that when you se this brand, you remember what it stands for : that you are not alone, & you, YES YOU, have the power to over come all odds & be the beautiful human you were created to be.
Breathe - inhale, exhale. Growth just began in that moment. <3
